No worries this week, as Dan says it a bunch of times.

And so it is Football Night in America, and Keith’s wearing the suit that - at least on my tv - strobes wildly. Let’s go!

Jaguars 38, Lions 14: The poor Lions, man. Poor Lions fans, man. Detroit is 0-9, their worst record at this point since 2001.

Ahahhaha. Dan has the Dolphins/Seahawks recap, which starts with Bill Parcells peering at the field through binoculars. In a tiny high voice in the background is Keith, saying “I see you! I seeee you!” Then Dan drops “bulging disc” and “Mission Accomplished” references. Go team Dan!

Ravens 41, Texans 13: “He could go all, or a large percentage of the way.” And Joe Flacco is, according to KO, “…suddenly the best quarterback in the league.” The Ravens have won their last four games! They’re doing all right! I … probably shouldn’t have said that.

Falcons 34, Saints 20: Drew Brees is super loud! Sadly, loud don’t win football games. “You cannot inherit the wind, but you can sack the Brees.” Oh, Keith. And then, over footage of Brees & Jeremy Shockey having words, Keith says: “Brees … has a little conference with Jeremy Shockey, because everybody loves Jeremy … at first.” Ahhhh, it’s funny because he’s a jerk. Also, I feel like the words “Real men don’t showboat, but … what the heck” coming out of Keith’s mouth are particularly amusing.

Keith gets thrown by some weird phrasing on the TelePromTer, which gives me … ideas. Call me, Countdown staff.

Jets 47, Rams 3: The Rams were … the Rams. Which means they started the game with what Keith calls their “federally mandated Opening Disaster.” Sorry, Costas. It was thirty to nothing in the second quarter! “And they’re not even done!” Keith says (of the Jets). “Ohhh, they’re done,” says Dan (of the Rams). It was 40-0 at halftime! The second biggest halftime shutout lead in ever.

Hey, did you catch Bob on 30 Rock this week? Granted it was just his voice, but still pretty awesome.

Chargers 20, Chiefs 19: A crazy intense game, with a squeaker of a crazy ending. Honestly, I was paying attention to the actual football on that recap. I assume Keith didn’t say anything amazing. **Edited (the next morning) to add that Keith did say something amusing, referring to this guy as “Brad Cottam if you smoke ‘em.”

Bob Costas is gonna’ get himself sent a case of Dr. Brown’s Diet Creme Soda after his mugging about it on tonight’s show. Have I mentioned lately that I love Bob Costas? Because I do.

The Little Big Show: A recap of the recaps, including - “Jarvus Green-Ellis, no relation to Anne of Green Gables,” explaining that a kicker missed the uprights because he was crushed by the graphic (Costas laughs really hard at that one), and the Colts winning in Pittsburgh for the first time since 1968. He introduces the word “heaveage” to the world, as well. So hey, this has been bugging me, and I keep forgetting to mention it here. Are they using their “fast motion!” button way more often this season?

Aaaand my Tivo cut the recording off literally seconds before the team came back for halftime, so my apologies that this week’s recap omits that brief section.

That’s it for me. See you next time.

My thanks to Bob Costas for providing the title of today’s post.

Keith was wearing today what people in the military call “birth control” glasses. He also seemed somewhat checked out of today’s show. I imagine he has election stuff on his mind. That said, we got our miniature Big Show as KO and DP tag-teamed the highlights for us.

Bucs 30, Chiefs 27: Kansas City’s quarterback is named Tyler Thigpen, which never ceases to amuse me. So does KO’s: “It’s deep…. but I don’t think it’s playable.” Pause. DP: “Yeah, it is!” It’s on tape guys. You’re not fooling anyone. Amusing, yes. Fooling, no. And so as not to feel left out, Tampa Bay gets its own, “From way downtown!” with the winning overtime field goal.

Bengals 21, Jaguars 19: The Bengals score on their opening drive which leads eventually to their first win of the season (and it’s November already). To celebrate, their fans dress as various presidents and presidential candidates. No, I am not kidding. It was the first win of the season for the Bengals so insanity may be playing a part here.

Cardinals 34, Rams 13: Lots of long catches, interesting plays and interceptions. It looked like a good game, at least if you are a Cardinals fan. QB Kurt Warner had a lovely light green tie on in the post game interview that Keith should consider for Countdown.

We move to the Players Room segment which ends with some knee jerk gay kissing jokes and then they send it back to Dan and Keith. Keith either drifted off or is purposely tuning the stupidity out and is doing his Rodin’s “The Thinker” pose which Dan calls him on. Art history and football all on the same show.

Bears 27, Lions 23: Dan informs us that this game features for the first time in NFL history two starting quarterbacks whose last names both begin with an “O” - Orlovsky and Orton (maybe it is the Obama effect?). But it doesn’t last long as Orton slips on a muddy field in a tackle and is replaced by Rex Grossman. Remember him? He’s a lot better now! The Lions remain winless.

Vikings 28, Texans 21: Adrian Peterson can get through a mob of football players that KO claims he couldn’t get through with a miners hat and a St. Bernard. Meanwhile DP is annoying Keith by offering up football player names that KO claims he knows.

Ravens 37, Brown 27; KO starts to give us some Baltimore and Cleveland history but for some reason thinks better of it. Perhaps someone yelling at him through the ear piece? We have to settle for highlights from Dan including a wicked punt return on the part of the Browns for a touchdown. As beautiful as it was, it didn’t help the Browns win in the end.

Jets 26, Bills 17: Brett Favre has been 0-3 at Ralph Wilson Stadium which is some sort of curse, though ‘real’ curses seem only to belong to baseball. At some point in the highlights we get a really good run from the Jets supplemented with Dan doing heavy breathing special effects. It’s, um, somewhat disconcerting. In the end the curse is broken and Favre has now won in 31 stadiums. Maybe the Cubs could have Favre sacrifice a goat at Wrigley or something?

Cris Collingsworth joins our boys to talk about eating buffaloes (the furry kind). Meanwhile KO appears to be looking at travel brochures while Cris and Dan move on to talk about Buffalo (the team).

Titans 19, Packers 16: Bob Costas takes this one. The Titans remain undefeated and are now 8-0.

Falcons 24, Raiders 0: The Raiders didn’t manage a single first down in the first half and that pretty much sums up the game. And for the Raiders, DP wants to know if there isn’t some sort of Mercy Rule for them. The answer of course is that as long as Al Davis is the owner, no one is going to offer any mercy at all.

Dolphins 26, Broncos 17: My new semi-favorite team (when not playing the Chargers and having nothing to do with the Giants) is Miami. With their scrappy can do attitude, their cute logo and their bright colors they are the NFL’s embodiment of the Little Engine that Could. Today they “could” all over the Broncos.

Eagles 26, Seahawks 7: It is the battle of the birds. Indeed with all these bird team names the NFL has become like a giant Hitchcock movie. Todd Herremans of Philadelphia wins this week’s coveted “You can’t stop him you can only hope to contain him.”

Giants, Cowboys 14: The G-men take Dallas’ QB Brad Johnson to town and the Cowboys are forced to put in their third string quarterback Brooks Bolinger, whose first throw is an interception. It was that kind of day for Dallas. Cris later adds that, “the Cowboys were always one pinkie injury away from seeing their football team go right down the tubes.”

We then move on to the mini-recaps which is basically the same, only faster and smaller.

During the half time show, thanks to Keith, I learn that the plural of stadium is stadia. As in “Brett Favre has now won in 31 stadia”. Doesn’t sound quite right, does it? We also get to see Cris at his snarky best as he mocks Terrell Owens’ post game interview with an Owens impression. Cris is becoming a fast favorite.

The game of the day had the Colts beating the Patriots, 18 to 15.

Here is how much of a nerd I am. I tried for five minutes to work out a “wie gehts” joke re: my subject line up there. I failed. You’re welcome.

No Sunday night game this week, but Football Night carries on nonetheless.

Ravens 29, Raiders 10: How ’bout that Joe Flacco, eh? Keith says the Ravens were doing so well, they got to practice some of “the weird stuff.” They do do the weird stuff, KO. Also, he throws in a “loofah” mention, lest that particular one of his three favorite wells think he doesn’t love it anymore. And “falafel.” That well feels loved, too.

Hee, whispering!Dan is surprisingly cute. As is Keith’s concern/consternation “hmmm”s peppering the background of Dan’s highlights.

Daaaaamn, both coaches’ press conferences following the Lions/Redskins game were kind of contentious. Stupid liberal media elite.

Saints 37, Chargers 32: In London! The weather’s not disgusting this year, either! 86,000 in attendance at Wembly today. Neat. Does a game really happen in the UK if there’s no enormous robotic American football player terrorizing the city?

Heh. Favre got boo’ed today at Giants Stadium. Theeeere are the Jets fans. Took ‘em awhile, but ya’ just knew they’d come around.

Dolphins 25, Bills 16: Is Keith off tonight, or is it just me? This one was a must-win for the Dolphins, so it works out, then, that they scored more points than the other team. SPORTS!

Dan is settling in nicely. He seems exponentially more comfortable on the show each week. Yay.

Panthers 27, Cardinals 23: “Jake Delhomme versus Kurt Warner in the battle of the former quarterbacks of the Amsterdam Admirals.” Ah, there’s Keith. And Anquan Boldin is back after undergoing multiple surgeries to repair facial & sinus fractures after this from a couple of weeks back. He does really well today, too. Except for the whole losing thing.

Hah! In re: being unable to review a play because you’re out of time outs…
Dan: But do you like that rule, though? Should that be changed, because … isn’t the goal to get the call right?
Cris: … No.
…
Keith: And Dan learns another harsh reality about the NFL.

Seahawks 34, Forty-Niners 13: Oh, no, Keith’s mic is possibly off? DAN, PASS HIM YOURS. THE TIME HAS COME TO RETURN THE FAVOR FROM SO LONG AGO. It’s extra funny because Dan’s mic is at normal strength, whereas Keith seems to just be … highlight-reading louder to compensate, so when Dan laughs, it’s loud.

Browns 23, Jaguars 17: Keith calls them “natural geographic rivals.” Heh. The Browns have won three of their last four games! That’s nice for Browns fans.

Ahhhhhhhh the Giants won!!! I very reluctantly switched the game off to watch this, so … it’s with no small amount of relief to see that it ended well (for me).

Out of time, Bob leaves us all “to our own devices, and choices for the evening…” Bob, what do you think we’re all gonna’ do? I was just going to watch some baseball, but now I’m wondering if there’s something more salacious and/or exciting I could get up to.

That’s it for me tonight. I’ll see you for Wednesday’s Coundown — not sure how Obama’s TV-buy will affect the broadcast, but I’ll be here to relay whatever of Keithly importance should arise.