First, the person who was stupid enough not to double check the locks on the enclosures or equally stupid enough to give the chimp something that had metal in it so it could create a tool to use to pick the lock caused the problem. S/he should be shot with a a gun (tranquilizer or otherwise). Here where I’m studying chimp behavior, we must check enclosure locks at least twice and have someone else must check them as well before we can leave the enclosure. We also cannot give the chimps anything that may have a metal part that can be used for tool making (and, hence, providing an interesting diversion such as lock picking).

I watched the Oddball video a couple of times and let some experts here also review it. During the first cut, the chimp is only mildly aroused. He is pant hooting, but showing a relaxed droop-lip facial expression and fairly relaxed body posture with no display indications (i.e. his hair was not pilo erect). Of course, when the fool with the gun arrived, the chimp rightly went into high arousal and could have pulled the jerk up with the gun (I was rooting for the chimp!). He remained in high arousal on the roof until he must have been affected by the tranquilizer darts.

All of this could have easily been avoided if the people attempting to recapture him (again I was rooting for the chimp’s freedom) knew how to speak “chimpanzee” and not rely on totally inane crisis plans used during their “monkey mascot” trainings.

Had they just made themselves small and less threatening (the exact opposite of what they did on the video), perhaps extended an arm with a bent wrist (a sign of friendship and goodwill) and made breathy pants (again a sign of friendship), then thrown a few of his favorite foods, the chimp may have approached calmly on his own. Then, the keepers may have been able to take his hand and walk in a crouched posture back with him to his enclosure — something that has happened when chimps have escaped from other facilities at which the keepers know what to do in that situation.

And knowing what to do doesn’t mean running around like lunatics, waving guns Cheney-style from cars, or charging the animal with nets. Someone could get hurt, most likely the poor innocent chimpanzee!!

So next time you find an escaped chimpanzee in your backyard (hear that folks in San Bernardino), you’ll know what to do!

I admit to a conspiracy scenario crashing around in my brain in which reporters asking Keith about Rachel’s eye shadow instead of about him caused his make up people to put far too much on her a few nights ago, which led LA make-up people who love Rachel to add some odd colorations to the underside of Keith’s hair to make that top look like a lush rug, glued on with something quite maroon.

Considering how important some of the segments have been, it is too bad to have one’s attention wander while trying to identify the purple substance and what is or is not hairline.

And, I urge everyone to see last night’s Colbert Report, which had a wonderful skewering of Bill-O, replete with Keith as, well, I do not want to give that away, just that I want one.