Wednesday’s tie: The navy one.  Again.

Segue music: They’re Coming To Take Me Away Hahaheeheehoho (To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time).  The artist?  Napoleon  XIV.  WELL.

Worst Person:  Morton Kondracke, who believes that waterboarding can’t possibly cause any lasting, permanent, long-term effects.  Because, really, what kind of damage could having water poured over one’s face and nose possibly cause?

5. GWB is apparently still wearing the same cranky pants he had on yesterday, returning once again to complain about how Congress is refusing to meet him halfway.  Today he had his nose out of joint because Congress is attempting to tie a number of other spending measures to a children’s health bill, which he thinks is just bogus.  Which might be an only sort-of valid point had the latest Iraq emergency funding bill not done the same thing (it also provides funding for things like Darfur relief and cracking down on Mexican narco-trafficking).  Keith and Howard Fineman discuss the possibility and legality of GWB attempting to rule through executive order alone (resulting in multiple uses of the word “fiat”).  It’s legal, but only to a point.  GWB can’t give executive orders on spending - only Congress can do that, which means that technically, they could stop his funding and shut down numerous government agencies.  Not to worry though, Howard says they’re not about to do anything that crazy.  Indeed, they might not be about to do anything at all.

Meanwhile, Karen Hughes resigned from the administration, again.  She’ll be leaving her post as head of public diplomacy at the State Department.  As she leaves her position, she admits that things like the Blackwater controversy and bogus State Department tourism vids “haven’t helped” America’s image in the world.  You have to admit, that’ s pretty effing deep.

4. While the date for Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey’s debate and confirmation vote has been scheduled (next Tuesday), it would appear that he in no way has this thing in the bag (so to speak) as he is coming under fire for refusing to clarify his comments on whether waterboarding is torture.  He says it’s because he hasn’t been properly briefed on the subject, although common sense says there’s no reason he couldn’t get briefed.

Oddball:  Look, doggies!  And they’re drag racing in Washington DC!  (That story goes out to you, Gilbert.)

Best Persons: Ex-prisoner buys his ex-prison cell in ex-jail. This is a stick-uh… you know what?  Never mind.  And guess what?  If you steal a GPS system, it’s probably not a good idea to turn it on.

3. Rudy Guiliani tried to throw down and failed miserably.  See, last night at the Democratic debate, Joe Biden took a swipe at him, saying there’s only three things in any Guiliani sentence: a noun, a verb and 9/11.  (Heh, nice one Joe.)  The Guiliani camp lashed out by reminding everyone that Biden semi-plagiarized speeches by former British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock in 1987.  Forgetting, of course, that Rudy was accused of plagiarism by the Mitt Romney campaign earlier this month.  

2. (Keeping Tabs) Britney Spears and like, courts, and like lawyers and the law, and like, stuff and like, other stuff.  And Lindsey Lohan canceled an appearance at a Vegas New Year’s party so she could focus on her sobriety.  What?  Like that time a couple weeks ago when she tried to focus on her sobriety by ordering drinks at the Viceroy?  Come on, LiLo.

1. On significantly lighter notes. Dennis Kucinich has seen a UFO and is questioning GWB’s mental state. Barack Obama promises to take care of American citizens before assisting creatures from another planet and thinks Mitt Romney would be a pretty scary Halloween costume.  And while Dick Cheney might not be Darth Vader, his dog is.  All of this leads to an interview with Jim Morris and some rather tedious impressions.  And then we find out that Keith does the world’s only impression of Dana Perino.  She’s a flight attendant.  Get it?