Tuesday’s Tie: The brown stripes.
Worst Person in the World: Once again it’s the Loofinator, for his “tsk tsk” at NBC. TVN has it here, more on Keith’s translation below.

How annoying was that SOTU countdown clock? Sheesh! But in our own version of Oddball tonight, as the show came out of commercial and into the #4 story, that annoying clock to the side read 44:44.

We freely admit to not watching Mr. Preznit on the television tonight. Anything longer than a 15 second sound bite is enough to make us hurl heavy objects - lamps, cats, small electronic devices - at the screen. Count us among those that feel that the text should just be delivered to Congress. Of course, then we wouldn’t get the charming and delightful Dana Milbank reporting from the rotunda. And I don’t know about t-shirts, but we could certainly fund a run of a couple thousand pin-back badges with the legend, “A wiretap requires a court order,” with the date 4/20/2004 underneath. They’d be all the rage with the kids on the Hill in no time!

And for those of you who just don’t remember eighth grade history class the way you should, here’s a link to the Whiskey Ring Scandal. You’re welcome.

There is some sort of bitter irony that Mrs. King should die on the same day that Mr. Alito is sworn in to the Supreme Court. If you don’t get it, you haven’t been doing your homework. We may have to arrange detention…

The LA Times has more on the videotaped shooting of Airman Carrion. They say the FBI is opening an investigation.

Keith seemed very eager to see what, if any, shenanigans Cindy Sheehan would be up to in the gallery, did he not? Too bad she was arrested before the thing even started for “causing a disruption.” We can’t wait to see how that shakes out!

As for Mr. Bill, well, this is the third time recently that Keith has “translated” a statement and we must say we like it! (Even if it does preempt Oddball.) Any time we’re treated to KO’s razor wit in a larger dose than a one-line bon mot we’re happy. Put a pompous ass on the receiving end and we’re ecstatic! Granted, even with a 21% drop in the “money demo,” BGH still has the highest rated show on the highest rated news network, but that still represents a pretty big drop in viewership. As for Countdown’s 34% increase in the same demo, well, it’s good to know that telling all our friends to watch is paying off. Video of this will almost certainly show up on Crooks and Liars for those what missed it and those what just want to relive the fun. And hey, Craig Crawford says it has “Oscar” written all over it. Too bad it missed this year’s noms.

ETA: What did I tell you? The video from Crooks and Liars!

[It’s funny how seeing somebody else have fun with my baby puts me right back into the swing of things, isn’t it? -Ed.]

Yes, the Big Show lasted only one segment today. No, I’m not sure why. Yes, I hope it’s longer tomorrow.

Dan is live from Detroit, Michigan, where Super Bowl XL will be played this Sunday. Keith is back in New York, as always. The Pittsburgh Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks will be playing for the Lombardi trophy, but the more important news is that Brett Favre is contemplating retirement. Again. For both his and the Packers sake, I hope he retires. If Favre has another season like this past one, the team will once again be out of the playoff hunt, and Favre will risk tainting his incredible legacy by limping across the finish line.

But now back the the Super Bowl where, and this is quite the surprise, one of the teams is playing the Rodney Dangerfield PR game! This year it’s the Seattle Seahawks claiming they’re not getting the respect the deserve, and you can take your pick of the reasons: East Coast bias, reporters and analysts underestimating the team, Seattle’s not known for producing championship teams, the city isn’t as rabid about its sports teams, etc. I don’t have a rooting interest in either team this year, but Seattle IS hosting their Athlete of the Year award on Tuesday when the NFC champs are 2300 miles away getting ready to play in the Super Bowl, while Steelers fans are waving Terrible Towels from the Space Needle.

And for those interested, ESPN Radio will have a webcam set up this week at their station on Media Row if you would like to see the great Dan Patrick in action.

Monday’s tie: Red pattern

Monday’s segue music: Queen and David Bowie- Under Pressure

Worst person in the world: Unnamed visitor to the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge- he tripped over his own feet and accidentally destroyed several priceless vases.

Thanks for the warm welcome!

5. A tale of two tapes: Ayman al-Zwahiri produced a “ha ha, you missed me tape” and insurgents released a tape that seems to indicated abducted journalist Jill Carroll is still alive. Roger Cressey discussed the implications of both tapes. And, with the State of the Union less than 24 hours away, new NBC/WSJ polls seem to indicate Bush is in a bad place- his approval rating is 39%. WSJ’s John Harwood talked about what the Bush administration needs to focus on in the speech to get back on track with the American people. (Sadly, mass resignation was not one of the options he presented.)

4. Lisa Meyers was on the trail of Hurricane Katrina donations. Is the money going to help those who need it? Well…sort of.

Oddball: Bull fights back, injures 7. A bunch of people in Nebraska ran through some water in costumes to raise money and there’s a blindfolded woman cutting hair in India.

Newsmakers: Baby Jessica got married, a Scottish dog walker was charged with littering twice in one fell swoop and a German man confessed to a crime he committed in 1926.

3. ABC’s Bob Woodruff and Doug Vogt are reported to be in serious but stable condition at Landstuhl AFB in Germany- ABC is reporting they could return to the US as early as tomorrow. Jim Miklazewki reported on the excellent medical facility that both men were transferred to in Iraq immediately after the accident, Matt Lauer explained the touching connections between Woodruff and the late, great David Bloom and Keith expounded on the tragedies that seem to befall those who sit behind the ABC anchor desk.

Soundbites: Chris Matthews and Tucker Carlson talk about the SotU, a crazy bowling coach yells and Jerome Bettis says something that I wasn’t paying attention to.

2. More on the murders of a Boston area woman and her daughter. Remember how her husband supposedly talked to American officials in London at the end of last week? Yeah, turns out he actually didn’t. And he’s not returning to the US to attend the funerals. Investigators still have lots of questions about the murders and there are now fears the crime scene may have been compromised.

Keeping Tabs: Screen Actors Guild award round-up and a report on the accident on the set of All My Children that injured four stunt-people.

1. Keith talked to Norah Vincent, author of Self-Made Man, a chronicle of the 18 months she spent as a man, discovering what the essence of being a man is like. Keith revealed what a sensitive, thoughtful man he really is. Well, sort of.

And, we made it through a whole hour without mentioning James Frey! Huzzah!